


Sometimes

by Uprisist



Category: Half-Life VR but the AI is Self-Aware - Fandom
Genre: Body Horror, Gen, Gordon and The Player are two separate people, Light Angst, Mild Language, Morally Ambiguous Character, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Second Person, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:47:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25543090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Uprisist/pseuds/Uprisist
Summary: It was finally all over. You couldn't believe it. Everything was over and done with. But... what if you wanted to do it again?(AKA the Player decides to do a New Game+ and screws up everything.)
Comments: 22
Kudos: 49





	1. On a sunny day, I wake up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first written contribution to HLVRAI. I can't claim my work to be original nor a masterpiece, but I put a lot of thought into it. If it were up to me, honestly, I'd be running around with Monster Benrey and fucking shit up. Straight up canon divergence. But nah. I wanted to play with a morally grey character. 
> 
> So here you are. Enjoy.

Your name was Gordon Freeman, and you were having the time of your life. It wasn’t often that you felt such pure, unadulterated _exhilaration_ when you finished a final boss (well, that was technically a lie, but you couldn’t be bothered to think about it much more right now). The whole storyline was _brilliant_ , truly - the AI implemented within the game made it all a spectacular show. All of the characters were memorable, from the helpful - if a bit broken - Dr Coomer, the innocent Tommy, the deranged Bubby, and especially the elusive guard Benrey, all the way to side characters like Darnold and Forzen and G-Man and Sunkist. _Goodness_ , they were all such great characters. 

At the moment, you were winding down from the final cutscene of Dr Coomer giving a heartfelt speech that made your whole chest ache for him, and you were currently sitting down in the darkness after it ended, simply breathing and trying to get your heart to stop racing so fast. Who knew that playing a game could be so physically demanding?

Of course, now that you had beaten the game, you were feeling a little bit unsure of what to do next. It wasn’t like you had much else to occupy your time, and the Science Team never failed to make your heart swell with happiness. So, being the emotional human that you were, you wanted to experience it all again.

The first time around you presented your character of Gordon Freeman as a man on a mission - someone who wouldn’t fail to do the right thing and get the job done. He tried his best to desperately cling onto his fading sanity, before eventually succumbing to the madness that was Black Mesa. He was a man of rage and emotion, but he could be kind and gratuitous when the opportunity presented itself.

That was the sort of person you played as. Was it close to your own personality? Well, no, not really. There were some bits that were true - you liked to think of yourself as a kind and just person - but you doubted that you would have the same sense of urgency (and anger) that Gordon had. You chalked up your excellent performance similar to being a masked actor in a play - no one really knew it was you in the first place, so it was easier, in a sense. Plus, not all of it was an act. Some moments had you genuinely fearful for your life, like when something appeared suddenly, most of the giant Benrey segment, and when you got your arm cut off. Well, _Gordon’s_ arm, but it was close enough, in the moment.

Now that everything was said and done, and you had your laughs and good times with the Science Team, you wanted to do it again. Like you said before, you didn’t have much else to do otherwise. So why not? Another playthrough wouldn’t hurt you, and, if the AI was truly actively learning, perhaps you’d get another outcome? Or at least get more dialogue options. Those were always nice. Maybe you could be friends with Benrey this time around, or spend more time with Tommy, or what else. 

You took off the VR headset for a moment, rubbing your eyes and heading towards your computer, where the game menu lied. After a few clicks, you put the headset back on, and started a new journey.

How would you play Gordon Freeman this time? Would he be caring, and try to make connections with the rest of the Team? Or would he be bloodthirsty, and kill everything he sees? There were so many possibilities for the blank slate that was Gordon. So many things that he could become. 

You decided on a kinder route, this time. You didn’t have the heart to kill so many, especially after the previous run. But although being a pacifist would be interesting, you knew Bubby would never get along with you. Perhaps diplomacy and reasoning would be better, if you phrased your words right. You knew you tried to do so before, but with the Team having preconceived notions about Gordon before you attempted it, it was bound to be a fruitless effort.

The game chose that moment to boot up, and you instantly found yourself riding the tram down to the starting location. Which was… odd. You pointedly remembered starting at the point _right after_ the tram ride. So… now what? You had to suffer through the whole five minutes of it all? Well, it wasn’t like you could cheat your way to the starting area. Not only did you not have the console ready for this, you also didn’t know how to access the console from your place in the headset. 

You sighed, and sat down on a seat (using a real life chair that you pulled up so you weren’t crouching awkwardly in real life), idly watching the scenery slowly pass you by and listening to the intercom. It wasn’t like you had much else to do. Well, perhaps you could try to figure out how exactly you were going to play your role as a kinder Gordon than the previous run. Maybe take a page out of Tommy’s book, have a more innocent outlook on life. You knew that that wasn’t Tommy’s whole schtick, of course, but it was a start. 

The next few minutes passed in relative silence as you waited for the tram to get to its destination. For some reason, the ride seemed longer than it should have taken. Maybe it was because of your impatience, maybe it was because of the game not expecting to run this sequence in VR, but it took much too long for your liking.

Soon after it felt like an eternity had passed, the tram came to a stop. You let out a small, relieved sound, and stood up and went to the door. But, much to your confusion, there was no guard to come open it. You looked out the window, waiting a small moment, trying to see if it was a mistake, but no one came for you. 

That was… strange. There was _supposed_ to be a guard. Why wasn’t he there? And without the guard to open the door, you couldn’t get out… not without no-clip, and you still didn’t have the console. Maybe if you jumped through the window…?

Luckily, the technicalities of VR somehow allowed you to just barely squeeze yourself through the wall keeping the player from getting out. You didn’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth, however, and continued on. 

It was a short walk to the door, which, well, still needed a guard to open. You spent a few moments trying to activate the panel, but no matter what you did, it wasn’t working. It seemed like a fruitless effort to continue now, since the game was essentially softlocked, but you were determined to at least get _something_ working. 

Suddenly, without any warning, the door opened. You stared at it, startled. Just what… what exactly opened it? There wasn’t anything else that could have…

Against your better knowledge you continued forwards, stepping into the hallway. The far door opened, allowing you to see the front desk, but there weren’t any NPC’s stationed there. Was this… a glitch of some sort? Or perhaps it was like the time travel sequence. You remember that there weren’t any other NPC besides the AI. Perhaps it was like that.

You stepped into the large room, staring at the desk. Actually, now that you took a better look at it, it almost appeared as though it were _after_ the resonance cascade, as evident by the flickering lights and mild debris. Somehow it was like that. Even though you haven’t really started the game yet. Regardless of what or when you were, it was still strange to see the place devoid of life. 

That was, until you were pushed into the wall.

A man was screaming at you, his arm digging into your throat. “You motherfucker! You brought us back again! Fuck you!”

Caught off guard, you actually made choking sounds, before realizing that you didn’t actually feel it, and then realized that your player model definitely could and you were probably losing health. All of that didn’t really matter, though. No, you were focused on _who_ was exactly trying to choke you out.

It was Gordon Freeman. And he was pissed.

“You heartless bastard! How could you?! We were finally fucking free and you sent us all back!” Gordon was breathing heavily, anger clear in his eyes. He seemed about ready to kill you, but he also didn’t seem to have any way to actually harm you.

How was he here? Weren’t _you_ supposed to be Gordon Freeman? Yet, here he was, despite all odds, and angry at you.

Actually, how was he even doing all of this? The in-game models had a low polygon count, plus the AI seemed to use a system similar to a player in order to move around. So how was Gorden able (and to a lesser extent, _look_ ) as though he had his own custom animations?

You simply raised your hands up in a gesture of surrender, but that only seemed to make him angrier. But before he could do anything else drastic, someone cleared their throat. Gordon flinched a bit, and turned his head over to where the noise came from.

“Gordon, I doubt assaulting the Player would be beneficial in the long run.” It was Dr Coomer! He was standing off to the side, near the hallway. You could also make out the rest of the Science Team plus Benrey. “Perhaps you should let them go?”

Gordon turned back to you, frowning, but deep in thought. Eventually he let you go with a sigh, throwing his hands lightly up into the air, sounding exasperated. “Fine! Fine.”

You lowered your hands at last, placing them awkwardly at your sides.

“ _I_ think you should have killed them.” Bubby mumbled, barely audible. 

“No! We have to- we have to let them talk, first.” Tommy said, eyes wide.

They’re all so… _expressive_. This was _way_ different from your first playthrough. What changed? Well, obviously, a lot changed, but you weren’t sure. This was all just a game… right?

You watched as Gordon walked back over to the Team, then turned to face you with a glare. The rest of them gave you varying looks of disappointment. You felt a bit hurt at all of this. It seemed like none of them really trusted you. The only exception to this was Benrey, but he didn’t seem all that capable of expressing facial emotions very well. The only thing he did was cross his arms and stare at you.

“So...” Gordon started, his voice curt.

“So.” Dr Coomer parroted, and only smiled when Gordon gave him a pointed look and told him something in a voice too hushed for you to hear.

“So,” Gordon started again, “Are you gonna talk at all? ‘Cause if you’re silent, that’s gonna be a problem.”

You shook your head, “No… I can talk.”

Tommy gasped lightly, looking concerned. “Mr Freeman! They sound like _you_!”

Gordon groaned lightly, holding his head in his hands. “Yes, Tommy, I can hear that. I’m not _stupid_.” 

“Sometimes I wonder.” Bubby scoffed. Gordon cuffed him on the shoulder, causing Bubby to chuckle.

“Player…” Dr Coomer started, gaining the attention of the rest of them, “Is there a reason you decided to ‘turn back the clock’, as it were? Despite everything?”

You were silent for a moment, as were the rest of them as they waited for you to respond. You didn’t… this was just a game, right? These characters weren’t _real_ , they were just actors - AI, really. They shouldn’t be… _aware_. That wasn’t how it was supposed to be. They were just meant to be guides, of sorts. Not aware. They shouldn’t be that way.

And yet… they were. You remembered moments in your previous run where they would experience moments of some sort of awareness, no matter how small. But did that make them people? It wasn’t like they were _really_ living or breathing, they were just… code. Meant to assist the player.

… when did you become so cynical about all this? And here you were about to start a more ‘kinder’ approach to things.

The others seemed to be unnerved by your silence, but weren’t sure how exactly to break it. That was, until Benrey spoke up.

“ _Ugh_ , just- just get on with it. _God_.” Benrey sounded exasperated and impatient; like a teenager, almost. You missed hearing his voice, though, even if it _was_ somewhat twinged in malice. 

You held your hands up in a show of surrender again, then took a small moment to carefully choose your words. “I wanted to see you all, again.” It was the truth, for the most part. You didn’t mention how you also had nothing else to do, and wanted them to occupy your time. “I didn’t know you all would remember.”

“Of course we remember. Of course we fucking remember. How could we _not_?” Gordon gritted his teeth, and gestured towards everything. “ _Look at this!_ It’s all fucked up ‘cause you decided to do it all over again!”

“You say that like that’s _not_ what someone does when they want to play again.” You countered lightly, a small frown on your face. 

“I mean, _yeah_ , but we’re real! Real enough to feel and think and feel, and you just decided to _take it all away!_ ” Gordon was shouting loudly towards the end, his voice echoing throughout the room. 

You couldn’t help but feel guilty, despite the fact that you had no idea that any of this would happen. You thought it was just a game, after all. Even now, you weren’t sure. This _should_ be a game. Was the AI just that good, or were they being truthful?

… you weren’t sure. They shouldn’t be. That’s not how life worked. No AI was that good. Nothing man-made was that advanced, not yet. 

But the proof was right in front of your eyes. It was just hard to believe. It went against everything you knew.

“... how could I have known? This is supposed to be a game.” Your voice was quiet, a stark contrast to Gordon’s rage-filled one. It was especially disconcerting since you both shared the same voice, but you didn’t dwell too long on that thought.

“Just a game? _Just a game?_ Is that all this is to you, _just a game?_ Do you - do you not care about _actual lives_ or something? What the _fuck_ is wrong with you?” Gordon gave you a disgusted look, before turning away. “You know what? Forget about it. We don’t need you. Come on, guys, let’s just go. We don’t need them. We can just get our own happy ending ourselves.”

He ducked under the hole in the wall, leaving your sight at last. 

“I’m right behind you.” Bubby called out. He gave you a passing glance, but you weren’t able to make out much other than a frown. 

“Me too!” Tommy followed Bubby through the hole, shaking a little. Did he… was Tommy scared of you? You wouldn’t be surprised, at this point. It seemed like everyone was against you, now.

A small moment of silence passed as you turned to the only two remaining. Dr Coomer seemed conflicted about something, while Benrey had a small frown on his face as he stared at the hole the others went through. 

“You fucked up.” Benrey said after a moment, his eyes flicking over to you.

You hesitated a bit, before nodding slightly. “Yeah…” You exhaled deeply, “It seems so.”

“What a - what a loser. Can’t even, uh, do things right.” Benrey’s words were harsh, but you knew from experience that he didn’t really mean what he said. Or, at least, that’s what you thought it was. 

You sighed, resting your back against the wall and leaning your head back. “I couldn’t have known, though. I feel like Gordon’s judging me a bit too quickly, here.”

“You’re not wrong, Player.” Coomer spoke up, his voice sounding closer. You lazily turned your head to look at him. He was a few feet away, a gentle smile on his face. “He _was_ a bit quick to judge. But that doesn’t excuse what you did.” His smile turned into a slight frown, a look of… sorrow? crossing his face. “Did you even listen to what I had to say?”

Your back straightened as you faced Dr Coomer head on, blinking. Even Coomer was against you? Well… he _was_ the one who seemed more in-tune with the fourth wall. It’d make sense, honestly, if he was disappointed with you.

“I…” You looked down at your hands. Just as you remembered them, in this space. Mitten-like, low poly. Different to Gordon’s sudden acquisition of digits. “I’m not all that good with tech. I’m barely in college. Even if this were all true, there’s nothing I could have done. Not really. I just did the thing I normally do when I want to spend time with characters again.”

“You started a new game.” Dr Coomer said, a sort of reluctant understanding coming through his tone. He also sounded very, very tired. 

“I started a new game.” You parroted, and looked back up at him. Coomer seemed conflicted about something, but you weren’t sure what. 

A few moments passed in silence.

Suddenly, Dr Coomer turned his head towards the hole that everyone went through. “Well, it seems like I have to get going, Player. They require my assistance.”

“Will I see you all again?” You asked, and you couldn’t help but let _hope_ seep through your words.

Dr Coomer furrowed his brows, and gave you a tight smile. “You will.” He smoothed out his features to give you a final small smile, “Goodbye, Player.”

And with a small wave, he ducked underneath the hole and disappeared from view, leaving you all alone. You didn’t even know when Benrey had left, but he had gone while you two were conversing. The broken room was eerily silent without the presence of the people you spent so long with. Their absence was strange and uncomfortable. You missed them already, even if they did seem to hate you.

Your head slammed harshly against the wall as you slid down onto the floor, legs sprawled. A small, desperate sound escaped you as the reality of the situation finally dawned on you.

They hated you. 

You fucked up.

You were never going to be friends with them.

You were all alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if this is any good. If it doesn't get a lot of ratings I might just not continue it. This was more of a plot bunny that I wanted to write out. Cuz, well, uh. If y'all actually like this hunk of junk then I'd actually have to think about future plot. And goodness knows how hard planning a story out is. 
> 
> Anyways, yeah. Thank you for spending the time reading this, if you made it this far. Let me know if there's anything to improve on, since I don't have a beta at the moment. If there's any betas out there reading this, I'd really like one. Please and thank you.
> 
> Have a good rest of your day.


	2. And the light drains in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently a few kudos and one comment is enough motivation for me. That, and I don't want to abandon this plot bunny yet. Do I have a proper plot for this? Not really, but I'm good with running with a story. Thank you all for the support.
> 
> Also, I'm still looking for a beta, so if any of you can help me with that, that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you all, and have a nice rest of your day.

As you sat in the desolate and broken room, you thought to yourself. There was just… so _much_ to take in. Everything was falling apart, and it hadn’t even been fifteen minutes.

You leaned your head back with a sigh, staring up at the ceiling, not at all minding the flickering lights. 

So… the Science Team. They seemed to have… _evolved_ , for lack of a better word. It was like they took outside data from your computer and used a procedural generator to make themselves appear… more human? Sort of? They were still made of visible polygons, that much was evident, but it was like their models had gone from the classic Half-Life ones to something akin to a PlayStation 2 game. Insomuch as they actually had fingers and could express themselves somewhat properly, instead of static facial expressions.

You had no idea what could have caused the change. Was it out of spite towards you? You weren’t sure. It just seemed so _strange_ to see their evolved state next to your own character model, which was the same as the previous run. By all means, _nothing_ should have changed, and yet it did. 

_Just what exactly happened to cause them to evolve?_

And then came the question of what exactly happened to spark that whole meeting between you and the Science Team. It was all… really sudden. You weren’t expecting it, at any rate. Obviously. You were just trying to play a game again. 

So… did that mean that the Science Team _were_ akin to real, living people? Probably not. AI weren’t living, just ‘real’ in a vague sense. You didn’t know how else to feel about it. Unless the game was trying to pull an Undertale on you and make you believe that your actions _truly_ had consequences… you didn’t think that they were sentient. Not on the scale of an actual person. Learning, yes. You could believe they were learning, kind of like how some conversation bots like Evie and Chatterbot learned from talking to people.

You held your head in your hands. This was just so much to take in. You felt overwhelmed. Even if they _weren’t_ real, you still felt hurt by their words and dismissal. Especially Gordon’s. His words hurt the most. To know that the character you played as hated you more than you could imagine… it stung. A lot.

Now you were alone, though. Alone with your thoughts. You knew you had a couple of options you could choose from, and one would be… not all that good, if the Science Team were truly a learning AI.

1\. Follow the group.

It was pretty self-explanatory. Follow the Team, tell them that you’d beat the game again and wouldn’t touch it afterwards and maybe try to do something for them. Maybe that would work. It seemed like a good option, all things considering. You _did_ start a new game to see the Team again, after all.

2\. Start a new game.

There was a slight chance that all of this was just an unfortunate bug you came across, and perhaps by starting a new game you’d be able to reverse, or at least mitigate, those unwanted effects. Of course… if the AI were _truly_ sentient… then they’d never forgive you. You’d be hated forever by them, and would probably never be able to make it right. That was all hinging on the fact that they were self-aware, though. There _was_ an off-chance that they were lying and that they’d forget.

You frowned. Regardless of if they were or were not lying… it all seemed… _unfair_ and _cruel_. Yeah, you just wanted to play the game again, but at the expense of characters you considered friends? Now you were treating them like… _experiments_ , or something. They’d probably forget the previous runs, yeah, but that’s how games _worked_. It was like a blank slate. Your actions shouldn’t have consequences, especially in a game like Half-Life. 

… but they _did_ have consequences, didn’t they? They all hated you now. And now you had to fix that.

Those were the only two options you could think about at the moment… nothing else came to mind. Oh, wait, no. There was always the console. If things got drastic enough, you could use that to do… something. Maybe. You weren’t sure what exactly you could do with it other than clip through the walls and find the others. Which… honestly didn’t sound like a bad idea, at the moment, except that you knew that they couldn’t be all that far from you.

You sighed. This was all much too complicated for what was supposed to be a simple playthrough. Oh well. At least you had nothing else to do? Mending your relationship with them all would be tough, though, no doubt about it. You weren’t sure about your ability to make things right, especially since Gordon, the main character, (and maybe Bubby, to a lesser extent) hated your guts.

You stood up, feeling a new-found sense of determination. You’d have to try, regardless. Nothing bad came from doing your best, at any rate. You’d just have to try again and again, and hope for the best.

You took a moment to look around the room, getting a sense for yourself, before heading where the others went through. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, and there wasn’t anyone present, so you continued on through the vents, landing in the next hallway. Some headcrab corpses were present, but not much else. Seems like they cleared all the enemies for you, which was… probably unintentional for them. 

A short walk later and you found yourself in another large room with corpses, with a large gate on the other end. The only thing that really stood out with you was the fact that the team was there, having trouble with some hound eyes. You tried to hide yourself before they could notice you, but Gordon apparently could see everything, as he shouted out, “Wha- _you_ again?!”

No point in hiding now, you figured. You popped back around the wall and slowly approached them, hands raised to show that you weren’t a threat. Which… probably didn’t mean much to them, since you _could_ reset the game at any moment. 

“Looks like we’re going the same way.” You said passively, as Gordon shot at the hound eyes. 

He shot you an annoyed glare, and gestured for the rest of the team to come closer to him. Tommy hesitantly sided up close, looking between you and Gordon with a nervous look on his face, Bubby crossed his arms but got near him, while Dr Coomer just gave you a sad smile and followed suit. Benrey was nowhere to be found. 

Eventually all the enemies in the room were dealt with by Gordon (with Bubby taking pot shots every now and again), leaving you all alone in relative silence. 

“Alright. Here’s what’s gonna happen.” Gordon spoke up, keeping his revolver in his hands but not yet pointed at you. “ _You’re_ going to stay right the fuck here, and not follow us. Or else. Got it?”

For a moment you thought that he was being somewhat amicable towards you, considering the fact that he hasn’t actually shot you yet, before you realized that Gordon was barely keeping himself from lunging at you. His teeth were gritted, his hands were balled. But he wasn’t actively trying to harm you. That must have been Dr Coomer’s doing, you realized. You’d have to thank him later on for making your quest for friendship a little bit easier. 

Also Bubby had a revolver trained on you. That was. Not at all a nice thing to be on the receiving end of. So you knew that at least those two still hated your guts, but you weren’t sure about Tommy or Benrey. Coomer seemed to be on your side, or at least neutral with you. 

“Crystal.” You replied.

Gordon scowled at you before waving the rest of the Team along. “Let’s go, guys. Let’s _try_ to finish this as quickly as possible.”

You moved yourself to the far end of the room, hands raised in surrender, as the Team started walking to the far hallway, Gordon walking backwards to keep his narrowed eyes on you. Bubby also fired his gun, making you flinch, but you let out a silent sigh of relief as you realized that he just fired a warning shot. He wasn’t actively trying to kill you yet, which was good. 

They were all oddly silent as they walked down the small room, with Tommy giving you glances back every now and then, Coomer having a sad smile on his face, and Bubby actively scowling. The only one who seemed to be making any noise was Gordon, and he was muttering under his breath. You could only make out a few words, but you didn’t doubt that he was cursing you out. 

Soon enough, they all vanished behind the next hallway. You tried to follow them, but Bubby blocked your path. “Nuh-uh-uh.” He sneered, “You’re not coming with us.”

You crossed your arms, frowning. “There’s nothing that says that I can’t follow you later.”

“Hmm. Perhaps.” Bubby pointed the revolver at your head, “Not unless I kill you here and now.”

You froze. Guess he was actively trying to kill you now.

Why was he so _aggressive_? You knew he was a bit more maniacal than the others, but still, to threaten you when you didn’t even do anything yet...

Well… no. You _did_ do something. You started a new game. Obviously he should be pissed at you - you tore out their happy ending from right under them. That is… _if_ the AI were telling the truth. You still weren’t sure. You were pretty sure you were in some amount of shock, and, regardless, this was _a game_. It _had_ to be lying about it all being real. 

Right…?

Tommy’s voice sounded from behind Bubby. “Mr Bubby, no! We can’t - we can’t hurt them! That’s _wrong!_ ” You could somewhat see him as you peered around Bubby’s form. Tommy seemed genuinely concerned about your well-being - his expression was distraught. 

Bubby tched, but drew the revolver back. He seemed to be looking down at you, nose turned upwards in a show of superiority. “You’re lucky Tommy’s here. Otherwise, well…” He let the implications hang in the air.

“Got it. I’ll, uh. Not - follow. I’ll just be conveniently heading the same way.” You said, taking a step back.

“You better.” Bubby mumbled, then turned and followed Tommy towards the rest of the Team. You could vaguely hear Gordon calling out to them about ‘getting a move on’. 

You let out a sigh of relief. Even though everyone knew you couldn’t exactly stay dead, if Bubby wanted you dead, he’d make your life a living hell. Literally. You remembered that he was fond of arson, so it wasn’t that much of a stretch to think that he would do so.

You leaned back against the wall, listening as the Teams’ footsteps got farther and farther away, and after a while you pushed yourself off the wall, taking a deep breath and closing your eyes for a moment.

Walking through these halls alone was going to be a pain, but at least the others would clear out all the danger? Maybe? If they were _truly_ spiteful, then they’d leave practically everything for you to handle. But you doubted that - the enemies would be as much against you as they were against them. They’d _have_ to fight at least some, if not most, of them in order to progress.

Still, though. It all stung. You weren’t used to being so… _rejected_. And especially not by people you considered friends. It was like being backstabbed by someone you trusted for years.

But, well… wasn’t that what they felt? You all had reached the end together, and yet you took it from them. 

Does that make you the bad guy?

“Hey, you’re not supposed to be here.” You jumped, startled, whirling around to face the speaker. 

Speaking of bad guys, suddenly there’s Benrey. Next to you. For some reason. Where did he even come from? 

“I need to, uh. See your credentials.” He looked at you expectantly, eyes half-lidded. Your hand was held over your heart subconsciously, and you lowered it slowly, staring at him.

… did he seriously want to see your passport. After all that trouble of destroying them in the last run. _Holy_ shit, this guy was persistent. 

“Well, uh,” You rubbed your arm awkwardly, “I don’t… have a way to show you it.” You _did_ have a real life passport, but there wasn’t any way you could show him that.

“You gotta show me your credentials, bro. Can’t let you past without them.” Was his response. Despite the fact that he was standing at your side, and not at all blocking your way in the slightest. 

You blinked, thinking. Benrey always spoke backwards, sort of. You couldn’t take his words at face value - that led to hell in the previous run. So, what was he trying to say?

A moment passed by in silence, before you suddenly remembered something. “You’re gonna… follow me, yeah? Gotta make sure I don’t steal anything since I don’t have my passport. Right?”

“Uh…” Benrey glanced to the side, towards where the others went. “Yeah.”

“Cool.” Was your only response. Guess you had a new party member now.

A moment of silence passed by as you both awkwardly looked at each other. Or, at least, it was awkward for you. 

“I gotta wait a bit for them to - for them to go farther along, y’know.” You told him.

“Mhm.” He didn’t seem overly concerned with that fact. Considering that he _was_ capable of leaving whenever he wanted, you guessed that his nonchalance-ness was justified. 

“... that means we have to stay here for a bit.” You said slowly.

“Yep.” Benrey nodded, sat down on a nearby barrel that definitely wasn’t there before, and pulled out a - was that a PS Vita? _Where_ in the _world_ -

Actually, no. You weren’t going to question it. Benrey was an enigma, and it would be best for your sanity if you didn’t question what he did. 

With a long exhale, you backed up to the wall and slid down it, seating yourself on the cold floor, and leaned your head back as you watched Benrey play on his PS Vita. Not like you had much else to do until you deemed enough time had passed for you to continue onwards. 

This was going to be a _very_ long journey...


	3. And automatically, I reach out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness, you guys. You're all too kind to me. Seriously, this is probably the most love I've ever received for a stray plot bunny. You guys are awesome, truly.
> 
> Also, I finally managed to figure out some cool plot points! There's a bunch of foreshadowing hidden both subtly and not-so-subtly. So be on a look out for all that!
> 
> Anyways, enjoy reading the next chapter of Sometimes!

At what point is something considered alive? Is it when they fulfilled the eight characteristics of life? When they are capable of cellular organization, can reproduce, have a metabolism, are capable of maintaining homeostasis, have a heredity system, can respond to stimuli, can grow and develop, and can adapt through evolution? Even though scientists dictated that most alive organisms follow these rules, there are still exceptions. Viruses are a good example. They need a host in order to live and replicate, but they can evolve. Thus, they are in a grey area of living and nonliving. Granted, many things are either one or the other. Sometimes, though, it is truly hard to tell.

Then it comes to these next questions: is it sapient? Is it sentient? Is this organism capable of understanding this problem on a level near ours? Can it feel for others and show compassion? It can be difficult for an organism to be defined as such, considering that most are incapable of direct communication to the human species. There have been notable examples regardless, like the elephants, the dolphins, and the apes. They show clear signs of intelligence and sympathy noticeable through the language barrier, which has led many to believe that those organisms would be almost on par with humans in terms of intelligence. 

Considering all of this, where did that leave your artificial intelligence friends? Although they seemed to exhibit all the eight characteristics of life as a human should, they were merely lines of code interacting with other lines of code. You had a medium from which you could communicate with them as well, but you weren’t able to truly feel them. Not on the level that they could probably feel you, at least. 

Still, though. The future was destined to be filled with AI and androids and the like, so what made your AI friends any different than that? They _were_ capable of expressing sympathy, they clearly were able to learn and use their knowledge to adapt. So why couldn’t you believe them when they said that their lives actually had substance?

Well… there was _one_ issue. 

AI, _true_ AI, were things of the future. They weren’t created yet. Or, at least, not on the level that would allow them to be autonomous and ‘living’. You haven’t heard any mention of android creation like in Detroit: Become Human, you haven’t seen anything on the news, you haven’t noticed anything that would lead you to believe that true AI was created.

If anything, you were more inclined to believe that your AI friends were lying to you about it all, considering the fact that there were such games as Undertale that made you question your actions and if you were truly changing these characters’ lives. It could all be a hoax, but, to be honest, you weren’t really sure. 

You knew that your version of Half-Life was different from all the rest. For one, you’ve never seen a reference to any of the Science Team, other than the fact that Greg Coomer was one of the developers for the game. Other than he and Dr Coomer sharing the same name, nothing. Literally nothing was mentioned. You tried to search for it one time, back in the previous run while you were taking a break for a while. Still, nothing. No mention of them. 

It boggled your mind, truly. To know that no one knew of the kind of experiences you went through.

At this point, you were tempted to contact Valve themselves to see if they could give you any info on the matter, but you also knew that they didn’t really seem to care much about their fanbase. It was probably for the best that you kept all of this to yourself, anyhow. The less people knew about this, the less likely people higher on the social ladder would come down and question you for your ‘personalized copy’ of Half-Life.

So… were your AI pals really AI, or were they just a part of the game? 

To be honest… you weren’t sure. Not yet, at least.

You sighed, leaning your head back to stare at Benrey. He was concentrated on his PS Vita, though you still had no idea where or how it came into existence. It shouldn’t exist, not here at least.

“Hey, Benrey.” You called out to him. 

He responded with a small hum. 

You stood up, dusting off your HEV suit out of habit. This action made Benrey pause, and he glanced up at you, an eyebrow raised.

“We should probably get going.” You turned to move down the hallway, beckoning Benrey to follow. A small moment passed before you heard footsteps trailing behind you. “We don’t want them to get too far ahead - they could trigger a point of no return, and we wouldn’t be able to continue.” You paused in your steps, then looked back at Benrey. He had a neutral expression on his face, but the small wrinkle of his lips let you know that he was silently amused. “Actually, no. _You’d_ be fine. I, uh,” You made a vague gesture with your hands, “I’d have to do some IRL things to get past, and that’d be annoying.” 

You turned back around and continued walking, noting the fact that there weren’t any entities of note. Not even G-Man was there on the railing to say hi to you. 

Suddenly Benrey spoke up. “You shouldn’t do that.”

“Huh?” You turned your head towards him. He seemed to be oddly serious, though you weren’t sure if this was one of his jokes or something you should actually be wary about. “Shouldn’t do what?”

“Do… that.” Benrey mimicked the same vague gesture you did before. 

You chuckled, mostly to fill the silence as you thought about what he said more than anything, before replying, “Well, I’d _need_ to if they got too far ahead. I mean, I’m not sure if they can activate specific player triggers, but I’d rather not take any chances.”

Plus, you still wanted to spend time with them. There was a small part of you that desperately wanted what the previous run had with the Science Team, and you were determined to at least reacquaint yourself with them. It was better than being enemies with them, at any rate.

“No, I mean-” He halted his words suddenly and let out a frustrated sigh.

You blinked, confused, and stopped walking. Benrey kept walking for a little while longer before stopping himself, and he held a hand to his head. It seemed like he had something to say, but wasn’t sure how exactly to say it. You could understand that - you weren’t really good at words yourself - so you’d be patient with him.

A small moment of silence passed before Benrey let out a string of blue and red Sweet Voice and turned to face you. He had a small frown on his face. “If you mess with the stuff out there it’s gonna do _baaaad_ things. Like… not good at all, man.” 

“What, messing with the console?” It was the only thing he _could_ be talking about, after all.

Benrey nodded. “Yeah, ‘s gonna mess with everything. Everything’s gonna mess up, ‘n that won’t be good.”

You carefully ignored the fact that Benrey was repeating himself (though that could be because he was trying to get the point across), and nodded to what he was saying. “Don’t worry, Benrey. If we stay close to the rest of the group, then it won’t have to come to that.”

“Cool.” Was Benrey’s lackluster response.

You moved forwards to give him a small pat on the shoulder, smiling at him, though he probably couldn’t see it. “Let’s get going then, alright?”

Benrey let out a small “mhm” before you two started walking again.

There wasn’t much to see, really. Any corpses that the others made had despawned before you both reached them, so there weren’t any obstacles. Which was… strange. You’d expect Gordon or Bubby to want to leave something for you to fend off, but either Dr Coomer or Tommy must have defended you. Maybe. You weren’t really sure. You’d be sure to ask when you got the chance, though. 

At least all this silence allowed you to think more on how you’d win the Science Team back over. And think about why exactly Benrey was acting so… friendly with you.

You remembered at the end of your previous run that Benrey had stated that you and him were ‘great friends’, not that you exactly knew what that meant. Was he talking about sometime towards the beginning of the run? Perhaps, but that seemed unlikely. Your character of Gordon Freeman was a rash man and prone to anger, and Benrey insisting for something that seemed insane to Gordon (along with Benrey’s general fuckery) made Gordon dislike him. 

Yourself, on the other hand… well, you did get legitimately frustrated at times. Benrey never seemed to want to cooperate with you, especially since he rarely helped in an enemy encounter. But, you did notice the advancements he was trying to make on Gordon. 

Actually… on the topic of advancements…

Your eyes shifted over to Benrey, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. He was staring absentmindedly ahead, not really seeming to be all there. 

… You… weren’t actually sure if he was trying to hit on Gordon or yourself. Well, you thought, he was probably trying to get to Gordon. There shouldn’t have been any way for him to know about your existence until approximately twenty minutes ago, but, again, you weren’t sure. 

Benrey was just… _confusing_. The fact that he referred to Gordon (or, most likely, _you_ ) as a friend gave you weird vibes. You weren’t sure how to feel about that, especially since those comments seemed directed towards you. 

Did he still feel the same way now? 

It’d be unlikely, sure, but if he still considered you a friend even _now_ … 

You smiled to yourself, bobbing your head slightly from side to side.

You had a friend! Maybe. Possibly. But still! A potential friend! And you’d actually be able to express your _own_ thoughts, not someone else’s. So you didn’t have to act so angry at him anymore!

Before you knew it, you two had made it to the sewer section. It was already flooded, which, well, wasn’t all that big of a surprise, but it made you think about other sections in the near future that would render your progress unobtainable. The nearest one in the future was the air raid bit, since it made it so that going up or down the ladder was impossible. If they got there before you did, you might have to resort to using the console. And, according to Benrey, the console was ‘not good’. 

So. You had an issue. You had to keep up with the Science Team, but you couldn’t get so close that you could see them. It’d be difficult, sure, but it probably wasn’t any different from Metal Gear Solid or Dishonored or something akin to those kinds of stealth games. 

As you were staring down at the flooded sewers, trying to remember the way across so you wouldn’t drown, you happened to look up. And froze.

How did… how did Benrey already get to the other side?

He waved at you, a small smirk on his face. “Sup.” Was all he said to you.

You blinked, eyebrows high, before chuckling. You remembered the times when Benrey would disappear, only to reappear later on. It was just something he did. Like a fact of life. Also… he _was_ able to clip through the walls, in the time travel sequence. It wasn’t too surprising to know that he could do so here, as well. It was just a little off-putting, considering that his model looked more human than it did before.

Oh well. No point in dwelling on that for too long, you reckoned. You figured that you could just throw yourself into the sewer to cross it, and hope for the best.

One short swim later (it was really simple, you forgot why you were so worked up about it) and you were out of the water. Benrey was seated on a crate, back on his PS Vita. He looked up when you came out of the water, greeting you with a “Looking a bit wet there, huh?”

“Just a little bit.” You replied. You straightened your back, getting the small cricks out of it. You’ve been standing for quite a while, now. Might be a good idea to take a break, or at least get a chair to sit on. Though that probably wouldn’t translate too well… “It’s not like I actually get wet.”

Benrey just hummed, putting his PS Vita away. He gave you a weird look, likely confused at all the weird motions you were making, but you paid no mind to them.

You popped the last crick out of you before stretching long, like a cat, and yawned. It was getting late on your end, and while you weren’t exactly tired yet, your pick-me-up drinks could only last you so long before you crashed. You wanted to finish this run first, though. You weren’t exactly sure what would happen if you put a pause on everything.

… and now you were unfortunately reminded of the time Dr Coomer told you that he could feel himself being torn apart ‘atom by atom’ every time you logged off. 

You shuddered, garnering another strange look from Benrey, before walking to the next room and bidding Benrey to follow.

Your walking didn’t last long, however. You gazed down the long elevator-thing, a sense of dread filling you. How did you forget about this? You had even mentally made the comparison to Castle Crashers for this one segment, _how did you forget about this?_

Actually, wait. You gazed up at the lever above, the one that you were supposed to hit in order to go down. Would it come back up if you hit it? Or was it safe to slide down the shaft?

Sliding down would… probably be a bad idea. You remembered the headcrabs that sailed past you in your previous run. You’d probably fly off the edge, too. Wait, no - that was water down there. You can swim. You’d be fine. Probably.

Alrighty then. Time to do something that you definitely wouldn’t do in real life. 

“Benrey!” You called out suddenly, a smirk threatening to smother your face. You wished he could see it.

“Huh, wha-?” Benrey had been too busy staring off into space. Now’s your chance!

“Don’t try this at home!” With that said, you yeeted yourself off the edge.

You grinned as you slid down the slope quickly, hooting out a small cheer as you went down. It was all over pretty soon, however, with an anticlimactic plop into the dirty-looking water. 

You quickly emerged from the water and climbed up the weird slope things on the far wall, feeling slightly exhilarated and grinning. 

It was then that you realized you had an audience. And they were staring as you like you were a crazed idiot. Which you probably were. 

Oh god why was the Science Team still here. You felt really embarrassed now.

You waved at them, relieved that they couldn’t see your embarrassed blush, which put them out of their stupor. 

“What the _fuck!_ ” Gordon yelled in disbelief, throwing his arms around. “What the hell did I say about not following us?” 

“I’m not following you, though. I’m just following this _very linear path_ to the end goal.” You didn’t know _why_ they were still here, considering the fact that it doesn’t take long at all to get past this room, _especially_ with all the time you’ve given them, but here they were, getting angry at you. “It’s not my fault you all are slow.”

You took careful note of the rest of the Team as you faced Gordon, noticing the revolver that Bubby had trained onto your head, Tommy’s nervous look, and Dr Coomer’s tight smile. Seems like you were genuinely mostly unexpected, here. 

“ _We’re_ the slow ones?” Gordon growled, “ _You’re_ the one who took _hours_ to get to this point!”

“I was taking my time. It’s what _anyone_ would do when they find themselves in a new environment. Didn’t really want to rush in and get killed quickly, you see.” You frowned at Gordon, crossing your arms.

A sudden clearing of a throat caused both you and Gordon to pause, and you turned to who made the noise. It was Dr Coomer, who was faintly smiling.

“Pardon me for interrupting, but I believe we should seize arguing for the time being. We have much more important matters to deal with.” He said, looking between you and Gordon. 

More important matters? You had no clue what Dr Coomer was insinuating here. All this time with you trailing behind them like a lost puppy when they clearly didn’t want you, and now they wanted to talk to you?

Well, not exactly. You knew that Gordon and Bubby didn’t want to associate with you at all, but you knew for a fact that Dr Coomer _at least_ saw the situation from your perspective, and Tommy seemed to not want all this fighting between you and them. 

“We don’t have to tell them shit.” Bubby growled. He still had his revolver pointed at you. You felt slightly relieved knowing that he didn’t have access to any of the later guns, yet, otherwise you’d actually be in some amount of trouble. “All we need to do is leave them behind and finish the game.”

“But, that’s - that’s not _right!_ ” Tommy cried out, “We’re _supposed_ to help them along, otherwise-”

“Tommy, _shut up!_ ” Gordon yelled suddenly, pointing his crowbar threateningly at Tommy.

Tommy flinched, and quickly quieted himself. He seemed very uncomfortable with the general atmosphere, and, honestly, you were too. Gordon would _never_ lash out at Tommy like that. There was something _seriously wrong_ … but you didn’t exactly know _what_. It wasn’t like you could just up and ask him, either. You’d probably get shot or something, and that was never any fun. Even if it couldn’t really hurt you.

But… given how quickly Gordon wanted Tommy quiet… This was something that they were all very divided over. Tommy and Coomer (and Benrey, probably) were on your side, while Gordon and Bubby were against you. You… felt conflicted about this knowledge. You still just wanted to be friends with them all...

“Now, Gordon, there’s no reason to-” Dr Coomer started, but Gordon cut him off as well.

“I said _quiet!_ ” His teeth were gritted, and he looked like he was going to pop a vein. “We’re going _now_ , and that’s _final._ ”

Dr Coomer seemed incredibly hurt by Gordon’s dismissal, slightly folding in on himself, but he still tried to smile. Probably for your sake, though you weren’t entirely sure.

“Hey, man.” You called out to Gordon, causing him to glare at you. You also noticed, from the corner of your eye, that Bubby was still training that revolver at your cranium. You’d have to be careful about what you said, otherwise your head might be blown off. “You’re doing this all a bit quickly, right?” Before he could answer that question, you continued speaking, “What’s even in it for you? As far as I remember, there’s nothing at the end. It’s just a void.”

“You wouldn’t get it.” Bubby answered, scowling. His glasses seemed to glisten in the lights menacingly.

“Then _tell me_.” You pressed, taking a step towards them. “I won’t know _anything_ unless you explain yourselves.”

“You know _damn well_ that you’re not a part of this anymore.” Gordon growled. He got out his pistol and raised it towards you. “You lost the privilege of knowing what’s going on ever since you tore away our happy ending.”

“But I can still make it right!” You tried to reason, taking a few more steps forwards. You could hear the click of their guns as they got ready to fire at you. “You just have to give me a _chance!_ ”

Faintly, you could see a spot of blue behind Gordon and the rest of the Team. Was that Benrey? You had wondered where he had gone, and now he somehow got behind everyone else. 

“ _No!_ I’m _done_ with giving you chances!” Gordon shouted, “You don’t deserve any more!”

Both Gordon and Bubby seemed ready to fire at you at any moment now, and you raised your hands in surrender subconsciously. You noticed that Dr Coomer was near Tommy, likely comforting him, but they both seemed pretty shaken about this all. And, to be honest, you were too. When you mentioned before that Gordon was a man of rage, you didn’t mean that he was _this_ angry…

Suddenly, a voice yelled out from behind Gordon, “ _Get away from my friend!”_ and Benrey came rushing out from his hiding spot, startling Gordon who turned and yelped, firing his gun at Benrey as if it were instinctual. Bubby was also quite startled from this all and also shot his gun off, but forgot to take it off of your head.

It was like time slowed down for a moment, and you could almost _see_ the bullet and the scene in its entirety. Benrey, rushing at Gordon with a metal rod, looking surprisingly angry for someone who didn’t show all that much emotion, red Sweet Voice trailing behind him as he went. Gordon, still in the middle of turning, his body processing what was happening before he could fully comprehend it all. Bubby, head turned towards Benrey, his free hand held up and sparks flying off it, the gun still pointed at you. Tommy, arm outstretched, shouting at Benrey to stop and calm down for a moment. 

The most chilling part of the scene had to be the way Dr Coomer was staring straight at you, eyebrows furrowed slightly, a sad smile on his face. It was almost like he _knew_ this was going to happen.

Much too soon, time seemed to speed up again. A sharp pain lanced through your forehead, and you slowly reached a delicate hand up to feel at it. You could vaguely hear the sound of Tommy crying out, though you weren’t sure at what. 

Why was your vision turning dark? Was this… like a cutscene, or something?

No, no… You felt… _wrong_. Why did it feel wrong?

What was going on…?

A heavy feeling came over you suddenly, and before you knew it you were on your knees, barely able to lift yourself up.

What…? You weren’t… _supposed_ to feel anything… This wasn’t real. It… _shouldn’t be real._

They must have done something to you… something had to happen, and now you were…

You were...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big shout-out and thank-you to nbenrey-real on Tumblr for the wonderful document on everything referring to the Sweet Voice. I will definitely be using it a lot in the future. 
> 
> Still looking for a beta! Please let me know in the comments if any of you are interested or know someone who's capable of doing so, it would be very much appreciated.
> 
> Thank you all for your time, and have an awesome rest of your day!


	4. And I feel the warm weight on my fingers

You were… floating…?

You were floating. You didn’t know where you were, but you were floating. 

A black void surrounded you, stretching far into the reaches beyond. It seemed endless, and, as far as you were aware, it probably was. There wasn’t anything to call a ground at all, and there wasn’t even any gravity. Or, well. You weren’t sure. You _could_ be falling indefinitely, but it didn’t feel like it. It was more akin to a swimming pool you could breathe in than anything.

Why were you here…? How did you get here?

Last thing you remembered was Bubby shooting you square in the head. You had to commend him for such a good shot, really, but now you were stuck in swimming pool limbo. 

… where the _fuck_ …?

And it wasn’t like you could just up and leave, either. You didn’t have any way to exit a place without taking your headset off and resetting the game. So… you should probably do that.

You reached a hand up to take off your headset, but you didn’t feel the plastic surrounding your face. You felt _skin_. 

You felt your heart drop and a chill spread throughout your chest.

No… no no no.

You tried to find the headset by patting around your head, to no avail. It just… _wasn’t there_.

_No no no no-_

With increasingly frantic movements, you kept trying to find it. It still wasn’t there, no matter how much you wanted it to be. A chill ran through your spine as you became more and more aware of how fucked you were.

Where did it go? What happened? How the _fuck_ did you end up from playing a game to floating in a void?

Your head spun as you tried to make sense of it all, and you held it with your hands, feeling extremely nauseous all of a sudden. 

Maybe - _maybe_ it was all a dream?

This _had_ to be a dream - there was _no way_ that you were actually living through this all right now -

Right, right… This was just a dream. Just a dream. Right. That’s all it was.

Okay… you could calm down now. Just a dream. It’s all just a dream.

You took a few deep breaths, on the verge of a panic attack, but if it was all just a dream then you didn’t have to worry all that much. You just had to wake up, that’s all.

Perhaps you just got a bit too tired from the lack of sleep that you just passed out back then? It _was_ rather convenient that you passed out when you got shot, but you could live with that. You just hoped that your body was alright after landing head-first on the floor… but you’ve gone through worse, so you’d be fine. 

Now all you had to do was wake up. Might be a bit hard, but with enough willpower you could force your eyes open. Or pinch yourself. Or whatever else people did when they wanted to wake up from a nightmare.

You took a deep breath, and pinched yourself _hard_. You immediately regretted it - it hurt like hell! _Why_ did you _do that?_

Wait… you should be awake by now. Why weren’t you awake yet. You should be awake.

You pinched yourself again, ignoring the sting this time, feeling a small dread rising through your chest. It didn’t work. You did it again. And again. And again.

You were hyperventilating now. You tried desperately to do _anything_ to wake up - clawing at your skin, biting it, _anything_.

_Nothing worked._

A sharp lance of sheer _cold_ pierced through your heart as you started to realize how absolutely _fucked_ you were. 

You weren’t dreaming. This was real.

You didn’t even have an _inkling_ of an idea over the why’s and how’s of getting to this place, but you were here. And you were utterly _terrified._

It was like the viscous atmosphere of the void was threatening to suffocate you… endless nothingness, all flooding into the something that was your body.

… your body?

You raised a hand upwards, slowly, afraid to face the truth.

A black glove leading down into an intricate orange armour. That was… your arm. You moved that. It was attached to you.

What did you do to deserve this…?

This had to be a sick joke. Someone was fucking with you. You - you were just dressed up, that’s all. Yeah. Some sick fucker dressed you up… dressed you up, and - and probably placed you in a sensory deprivation tank.

Yeah… yeah! That had to be it! It would explain the endless darkness and the almost water-like feeling you got. It had to be a sensory deprivation tank. And someone messed up in their head put you in there in a really good HEV suit costume. 

That - That had to be it. You might not be dreaming, but you were stuck somewhere. And you had to escape. Somehow. 

… how does one leave a tank without knowing where the exit was?

You had no idea, but you were determined to find a way out. It may take a while, but nothing was impossible if you put your mind to it. 

The first thing that you thought to do was to swim in one direction and hopefully find a wall or something. Then you could go along the wall until you found a hatch. Of course, you’ve never been inside a tank, so you might be completely wrong about this, but it was worth a shot.

… now if only you knew how to swim properly in heavy-ish armour. 

A few moments later of screwing around with wildly waving your arms, and you were able to move forwards, kind of. You weren’t actually sure if you were moving forwards, since you had no reference points of depth and all, but you figured you might have been, since you were making a swimming motion to go forwards. 

Hopefully, if you kept up in going in one direction for a while, you’d be able to find the wall. You’d have to take it slowly - bumping face first into a wall was never fun - but it wouldn’t take too long. The tank shouldn’t be _that_ big, right?

Well, after an indiscernible amount of time later, you could say that you were lost. God, it felt like hours had passed and it didn’t look nor feel that you got anywhere _close_ to a sort of wall. Was the tank some sort of lake, or something? Or were you not actually moving at all?

You didn’t know. There was a lot you didn’t know. And you could feel the dread returning.

You had to keep calm, though. If you panicked too much, you’d stop floating and you’d sink and drown. You didn’t want to die. Then again, you can’t really say that you knew anyone who would want to. No one wants to die.

Maybe if you stayed here long enough… you’d find a way out?

Maybe… or-

A light suddenly appeared in your peripheral vision, and you turned to face it quickly, almost giving yourself whiplash. It was far away, yes, but you finally had an exit! After so long!

Hope flooded through your body. You had an _objective_ now, rather than just wasting away in some dark void somewhere. Now all you had to do was swim towards it and hope that it wasn’t a red herring.

Time passed as you swam, surprisingly not getting tired in the slightest as you drudged through the void. The light kept shining brightly in the darkness, and you were approaching it with a keen interest not unlike a moth.

Eventually you got close enough to the light to make out its shape. It was an orb, simply suspended in the void with seemingly nothing holding it up. You stared at it, confused, but proceeded to get closer to it. Soon enough, you were only meters away from the glowing orb. It was about the size of your fist, but it was luminescent enough to light up about ten meters around it. It also appeared to be made of glass, so perhaps the glow came from a device inside it?

You had to squint your eyes as you got closer. Something deep within you compelled you to touch and hold the orb, though that was probably your lizard brain speaking to you. Screw any consequences as well - this thing was the only interesting thing since you’ve woken up who knows how long ago. You were mentally exhausted from all of this, and just wanted to interact with something that wasn’t dark and not there.

Your mitted hand grasped around the orb, and you watched in amazement that it seemed to glow _brighter_ somehow. You had to shield your eyes from the intense light, but you didn’t have to for long. The light began pulsing, almost like a heartbeat, before suddenly drawing in on itself. You brought the orb up to your eyes, blinking. It still lit up the same amount as before, but the light wasn’t as blinding.

_Weird…_

You rolled the glass orb around in your hands, stimulating your mind after so much dullness. It felt strangely nice to be able to do something after not doing much, though… you _have_ been playing VR a lot recently. Enough to sometimes miss the feeling of something other than your controllers.

Well… now that you had something to occupy your time while you tried to find an exit, you guessed you’d best-

_“Wait.”_

The sudden intrusion of a voice after so much nothingness startled you with its loudness, and you quickly raised your hands to your ears to try to block off the noise. The single word seemed to echo, penetrating your skull and sending sharp lances of pain throughout it with ease. It was as though that single command bade you to fulfill it through its power alone - and all you could do was obey.

Who… spoke? It didn’t sound at all familiar to you - or, at least, the tone with which they spoke was drowned so heavily in effects that it became unrecognizable. 

When no other sound came to drown you in sheer noise, you hesitantly lowered your blood-stained hands.

You stared at your hands. Blood-stained…? You thought that bleeding ears were just a cartoon thing, not an actual real life thing…

Suddenly, it hit you. 

_The orb._

Your dumb ass shattered it against your head. And now you probably had glass sticking out of it.

That explains the pain you could still feel, at least… 

Before you could even think about removing any shards of glass from your thick skull, the light began pulsating again, this time surrounding your head, but you miraculously didn’t get blinded from the brightness. It pulsed faster, and faster, until it pulsed so fast that you were glad you didn’t have epilepsy. 

Then it stopped.

And then your vision went completely white.

It was as though the light became tangible and _dug_ itself into your eyes, clawing its way down your spine and infecting everything it touched with sheer _radiance_. It _burned_ and _festered_ and you choked as it tore into your tender flesh.

As suddenly as it started, it stopped.

You collapsed onto solid ground like a marionette with its strings cut, gasping for air. Why - why did it feel like you had just been holding your breath for a really long time?

Who cares, you just needed to _breathe._ And get your bearings straight. You didn’t know where you were, after all. But at least you were on solid ground.

You spent a few minutes hugging the ground and generally trying to _not_ vomit all over the place. You felt sick to your stomach, and you had an awful migraine, but it wasn’t _too_ terrible. You could definitely manage through the pain.

The sound of several footsteps approaching your position caused you to freeze. You started panicking internally - _Were they friend or foe? Were you going to die here?_ \- but tried your best to play dead by settling your heart with deep, calm breaths, and closed your eyes. You probably didn’t need to close your eyes, since you were helmeted, but it was the thought that counted.

The footsteps stopped suddenly, and you tried not to let any emotion cross your face. You just had to lie limp and featureless. Easy. You could do that.

“Look, Gordon!” A familiar? voice called out, “I found someone!”

Another familiar voice, farther away from you, mumbled something that you couldn’t hear in response.

“Look, Gordon!” A different voice shouted.

“What?” was the response. Then, “Oh my god.”

“Look, Gordon!” Voice 2 said, “It’s Gordon!”

They were hovering around you now, talking to you as though you were dead. You tried your best not to move much at all, since if they knew you were alive, they’d try to kill you.

You knew it was the Science Team. But… something felt _wrong_ about all of this. 

It probably had to do with the fact that you were supposed to be living in real life, yet here you were, mysteriously transported to what looked like Xen, even though that _shouldn’t be possible._ You should be in your room, chilling on your bed, or at least still playing a cozy VR game. Not… here. In almost literal Hell.

You tried to suppress your panic. You only partially succeeded, but it was enough to fool them for the time being. Hopefully they wouldn’t figure out it was you, since you knew that Gordon and Bubby still had a vendetta against you.

“It’s you!” Dr Coomer said in awe.

“No, that’s just a guy in an HEV suit.” Gordon responded. He sounded unusually calm for the situation he was supposed to be in. “That ain’t me.”

You felt an odd sense of déjà vu as you listened to them speak. Something about this all seemed… really familiar. You couldn’t exactly put your finger on it at the moment, though…

“Gordon, you are the only person I’ve ever seen in HEV suit.” Coomer noted.

“That does - ee - we, mm, I saw three of ‘em back at the lab, “ Gordon stuttered, then, in an accusatory tone, “You guys shoulda put those on! Why didn’t you put on the HEV suits?”

“Oh yeah!” Bubby said, “I forgot.”

This dialogue was… so very familiar to you. It almost reminded you of your previous playthrough - wait. No. It was _exactly_ like your previous run. You remembered a little bit of it, but this was definitely familiar to you.

But _why?_ Why are you in the past? Or was this just a rerun of your previous playthrough as some sort of hell for you to experience?

You didn’t know. You might never know until you got out of here. Somehow.

No, you knew how. You just had to defeat Benrey and everyone would be transported back. But, that begs the question, _how_ would you go about joining the others? You didn’t think you were up for stealth, you still felt sick to your stomach. You could _try,_ but that wasn’t guaranteed to not end in your death.

A cold spread throughout your body. Death. It was probably a permanent thing now, wasn’t it? If you died, then you died. It was almost exactly like Sword Art Online - trapped in the game; die in the game, die in real life; yada yada. 

… you really didn’t want to believe that you were stuck in the game. A large part of you hoped that this was all just a bad dream, and that you’d wake up any moment now. But the part of you that was reasonable said to adapt and overcome the situation. You _wouldn’t_ be helpless. You refused to. But nothing ever said that you had to _like_ any of this.

Well. They already knew you existed, plus trying to stealth would probably backfire horrendously and get you shot even quicker. So, you might as well try your chances and see if you all could put aside your differences and try to work together to defeat the bigger evil. 

Actually, wait a second. _Was_ this your previous run, truly? You only made the comparison before because they were saying the exact same thing as you remembered, but what if it was a trick?

… no, that wouldn’t be the case. Gordon made a statement about rushing through everything, so you doubted that he would waste time talking to a ‘corpse’. Though, you weren’t sure if Benrey would still be the final boss if that were the case. He seemed pretty defensive of you, though you weren’t exactly sure why. It touched your heart, regardless. How oddly sweet of him to do so.

So… this Science Team didn’t know of you yet. Probably. You weren’t exactly sure. Gordon didn’t know, you knew that much. But were you still the one puppeting him from behind the scenes? Were there two of you at this exact moment?

Again, and this seemed to be a running theme with you, you weren’t sure. Might as well fuck up the past, right?

You had to act soon, however. They’d be leaving the area shortly. You had to speak up.

You opened your mouth to speak, holding yourself up with your arms, eyeing the Science Team as they moved farther away from you and were inspecting the large blockage.

But your mouth refused to open.

… _what?_

You tried your best to open your mouth, but it was as though your lips were sewn shut. You tried not to panic at that thought. It didn’t _feel_ like your mouth was sewn shut, but you didn’t know _for certain_ …

You tried making sound through the flesh barrier regardless. It wasn’t loud enough. If you weren’t quick then they’d go behind the blockage and you’d be alone. You had to be louder.

You _screamed_.

The muffled sound definitely got their attention, at the cost of your throat. Gordon was the first to turn around - he was always on high alert towards the end of the run, you remembered - and noticed you instantly.

“Oh my god, he’s alive!” Gordon said in disbelief, approaching you quickly before the rest of the Team could. “You okay, man?”

You shook your head, sitting up to get onto your knees, and pointed at your helmet. You didn’t know how to take it off - you wanted it off off _off_ to see what the _hell_ was wrong with you.

“Your helmet…?” Gordon gave you an odd look, but knelt close to your figure, giving you the perfect opportunity to examine his features. He looked… _human._ Realistic, even. What happened to make him appear so human, now? This was in the past, he couldn’t have ‘evolved’ in form, yet. Even the others looked human...

Gordon’s voice knocked you out of your thoughts. “Sure, man. I can do that.”

Slowly, as if he had done the motion a million times, he unclasped the helmet, pulling it off your head.

And then he quickly backed up, falling onto his bottom, fear sparking in his eyes. “What the fuck?!” He shouted, sheer _terror_ coating his words, his gun arm poised to shoot at any moment.

What? What was wrong with you? You admit to not being the cleanest of sorts, but you shouldn’t look _that_ bad… right?

“Oh my god it’s hideous!” Bubby yelled, also taking a step back. He raised his gun at your head, prepared to take a shot.

You felt… _awful_. You didn’t know what was wrong with you and now they were all scared of you, like you were just some monster.

… might as well try to figure out what was wrong with your mouth and why you couldn’t speak in the meanwhile.

You slowly raised your hands as a symbol of surrender, probably confusing the others on why you weren’t attacking them yet, and delicately ran a finger over where your mouth should be.

 _Nothing._ Absolutely _nothing._

You had… no mouth. But at least you could scream. Which you _would_ do, except, well. There was the looming threat of being shot if you didn’t keep everything calm and still. So. Yeah. 

You were barely keeping yourself composed.

Still, you managed to look back up at the Science Team, gauging their reactions. They all seem relatively shocked, with Tommy looking like he was going to nope out at any moment, Bubby and Gordon prepared to shoot you if need be, and Dr Coomer… was sadly smiling at you.

Why did he always smile like that at you. You’d think he’d realize that smiling like that all the time would freak you out, but no. He was here to secretly torture you.

… at least you were able to make some jokes over it all, despite everything?

Ah, who were you kidding. You could practically feel your sanity draining away. Only a matter of time before you snapped.

But, for now, you could keep yourself together.

The question was, how the hell were you going to proceed from here?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to stop myself before I wrote another twenty pages. This chapter might not be a lot of substance, but what it lacks in thickness it makes up for in flavour. Hopefully it's to y'all's tastes. 
> 
> Have a coolastic rest of your day!


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